So you’ve written a few short stories, maybe even attempted a novel.  Good for you!  But no-one wants to publish your work, and you can’t figure out what’s wrong with it.  Don’t panic – Douglas A Van Belle’s A Comprehensive and Totally Universal Listing of Every Problem a Story Has Ever Had is here to help!

Chronicling: If I wanted to plod through something step by step by step by step, I’d go to work once in a while. Authors get to fuck with time so do it. Skip the boring bits.

Horrible People Die: Great. So what? Other than the fact that “He needed killin'” is legally defined as pre-emptive self-defense in Texas, killing the evil bastard really doesn’t make for very good story telling.

Other: This isn’t really a problem, but I had to put this category in here just to guarantee I didn’t get sued for claiming it was a comprehensive list and then having some asshole find something I didn’t cover.

As funny as I’d expect from an article published on the Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine’s website, and as insightful and useful as I’d expect from someone who has waded though rubbish to find little story nuggets (aka a slush pile reader).

Advertisements